In a world where loneliness is an epidemic, loving on my friends is my métier. 

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Every now and then your quick 2 minute call turns into a couple hours of laughing and talking about nonsense.

It’s easy with friends like that.

You know. The ones you can talk about anything and everything with.

No boundaries.

It can be something silly that happened in your mundane day, anxiety-ridden thoughts that have been keeping you up at night lately or even just sharing a good ole laugh.

The conversations are endless. 

It is healing and it is restorative.

Sometimes that’s all you need.

During those moments, you forget about everything else that’s happening in the world and you slow down.

It’s just you and your best friend. 

And when you hang up, the world suddenly seems a little quieter, a little more peaceful and a little lighter.

And you are reminded that everything is okay and it will continue to be okay.

–

I’ve been reflecting a lot about love and the relationships I’ve had in my life recently.

Maybe it’s the beginning of the new year and we’re naturally reviewing the past twelve months – what we’ve accomplished, our new experiences or even closing a chapter of your life to make room for a new one. 

Maybe it’s because I’m six months into having a fully developed brain and I’m suddenly having epiphanies about the person I want to be and the people I want to surround myself with. 

Or maybe it’s just my Spotify Wrapped’s Top 2023 Songs playlist sending me on a trip down memory lane.

Perhaps it’s a combination of all of the above.

Regardless, my mind has been consumed by all the beautiful people I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with this past year – both new friends and old. 

–

I think, for a long period of my life, I spent a lot of time yearning for my dream romantic partner, craving the feeling of true, unconditional love.

You know… The innocent kind of love you’d imagine for yourself as a young teen. 

The definition of love as you knew it from all the tear-jerking teen novels about young love you’d stay up reading or those heart-wrenching independent Sundance Festival-esque romantic movies – before realizing that there is a raw and uglier side that comes along with that experience. 

The reality is that it’s really easy to get caught up with a romantic partner, especially with that mindset. 

And when there are fundamental, underlying issues you haven’t resolved in your life, it’s even easier to fall into unhealthy attachments – eventually leading to your own demise. 

As I moved through middle school and into my teens, and then college, I found myself in one relationship after another attempting to chase that high I imagined for myself. 

As I fell deeper and deeper into my search for this love, I started sacrificing more and more of myself hoping to find that feeling.

Because once I get that feeling, everything will be okay right?

Oh Miranda, to be young and naive. 

By the time I had realized I had completely lost myself in the search, it was too late.

I committed to the search and these relationships so much, that I completely lost sight of who I really should’ve committed to.

Myself.

By the end of it, I did not recognize the girl standing in front of me. 

Empty. Barebones. A shell of a human being. 

Basicalllyyyyy rock bottom. You get the point. 

–

As I began my journey to find myself again, to find peace and to learn to love myself, I learned that while I was hyper-fixated on these boys who couldn’t give me what I wanted, I was completely blind to what was already in front of me.

Slowly but surely, I realized that the love I was looking for was already pouring from within and overflowing all around me. 

And that love would not exist without the people who mean the absolute most to me.

They are the ones that fuel me. 

–

The truth is the depth of platonic love has helped me realize that I’ve been in love many, many times. 

It comes from the luxury of staying close to your girlfriends since grade school and into your adult years.

Those are the girls who faithfully found each other during our childhood years. Those are the girls who you navigate through the depths of hell (tweenhood in middle school) with and share stories about our many firsts. The girls who would carpool between gymnastics team dinners, dance practice and sweet sixteen parties. The girls who you celebrate milestones with – like getting into college, getting your license or even falling in love for the first time. The girls you’d pick up in the morning for bagels and suddenly the sun is setting and you’ve been driving around aimlessly singing along to all of your favorite songs simply because you don’t ever want to leave each other’s sides. The girls you’d run your senior party dress options with and gossip about who’s taking who to prom.  The girls who help each other craft a 10-page, MLA format, 0.5 margin text to her toxic ex-boyfriend hoping that he’ll actually get it this time. These are also the girls that will be by each other’s side when one of you, unfortunately, realizes this will not be the only ex-boyfriend that you’ll experience this with. 

The girls who sit at your kitchen table sharing laughs and secrets with absolutely no guard up because they are safe and they don’t need to be strong sitting at your kitchen table. The girls who become second daughters to your parents, like how you’ve become to their parents.

Those are also the girls you return home to after college, to fulfill childhood dreams of living with their best friends in a little apartment in New York City. The girls who you experience the city with as your adult playground, making the lives we always wanted for ourselves a reality. The girls who you don’t need to explain yourself to because they were there for all the highest of highs and the lowest of lows – and they get it, they get you. 

The girls who were there for the foundational experiences of who you will become and the girls who lay the groundwork of what great friendships look like. 

The ones you were once little girls with. The ones who are your built-in sisters. 

–

Platonic love also comes from moving to a small southern town in the state of Mississippi and finding your people, 1,135 miles away from home not knowing a single human being besides your roommate whom you vetted through cool Facebook photos. 

You know those stories you hear about how everything changes when you go to college and you meet the most amazing people? It is so cliché and it is so true.

Remember the rush of emotions you felt when you first got to campus? Excitement and exhilaration knowing that you have a fresh start and a new life? But also overwhelming fear and nervousness because, for the first time, you know that the power lies within you and you will need to create the world you’ve always dreamed of by yourself.

But as the days pass, more connections are made and bonds are deepened… Before you know it, the world around you feels more like home as the anxieties and homesickness subsides – because you found your sense of belonging and you found your people. 

These are the girls you begin young adulthood with. The girls who you meet in your sorority and attend your first date party with. The girls who you’d text, “Let’s get dinner at the house before chapter – Chef Zach is making Poppyseed Chicken again!” The girls who dance with you until the bars close and head back to your house to continue hanging out until the sun rises because you just can’t get enough of each other. These are the girls you go on college spring breaks with and create memories that will end up being a series of hilarious, messy stories shared over and over and over again. 

The girls who hold your hair back when you take one too many tequila shots and the girls who wipe your tears because you’ve admittedly fallen for another unserious frat boy. These are the same girls who will laugh with you when you finally realize said frat boy is nothing more than a silly little playboy who will only be remembered as “That Hot Bar Back” – because his real name will naturally be forgotten as he was only here for a good story.

These are the girls who help you pick out the perfect formal dress after one of them convinced their date’s friends all to take your girls – because why would any girl ever go anywhere without the rest of her squad? These are the girls you stay up partying with and studying for exams with all while learning about their childhood, their fears, and their dreams and aspirations in life.

These are the girls who you’ll fly from city to city to see because we moved to new cities as our college years came to a close. The girls who went from being a couple of doors down from each other to managing the hundreds of miles that separate us with FaceTime and text messages until we meet again. The girls who you’ll see after months of separation and will pick up exactly where you left off. The girls that remind you that love travels state lines. 

The ones who make you believe that friends can be soulmates. The ones you choose to be your girls for life. 

It’s those two boys you grew up with whose love felt extremely poetic at such a young age because there was an unspoken understanding of emotional depth between you. Those same boys who would storm through the gates of hell to defend your honor when you were mistreated by people you cared for. The boys who offered a shoulder to cry on when you are grieving and who would take you out for frozen yogurt to cheer you up – and the boys you’d do the exact thing for ten times over. 

It’s also the group of guys you become friends with in college. The boys who you sparked connections with through a mutual sense of humor and creating a constant state of a good ass time together. The boys you and the girls would travel with all over the country. The boys you’d riff with and build jokes on top of jokes that eventually turn into year-long bits, that will hopefully manifest into bits of a lifetime. 

Can you imagine that? Friendships that run so deep that we have bits of a lifetime. 

The boys who you would do absolutely anything for because they would do the same for you. The boys who watch out for you and your girls; who can differentiate between when they need to give tough love and when they need to form a giant cuddle puddle… because if you’re not loving on your homies, what are you even here for?

And the best part? It doesn’t stop there.

The friends from high school you stayed connected with after all these years and every time you catch up it feels like no time has passed. The ones who will unite together during times of grief because you feel safe, you feel at home and you are surrounded by so much love from the people you grew up with. 

The friends you found an instant connection with post-grad and now you can’t imagine life without them. The ones you can talk to for hours on end and somehow you never run out of things to talk about.

It’s also that one girl that you met on a random double date who ends up becoming one of your closest friends in your adulthood. And through her, more incredible friends that live in the city. And suddenly you find yourself surrounded by another amazing group of girls, creating a new circle bonding over interests and hobbies that may be more aligned with your adult self. 

You make these connections and fall in love with your friends. You grow and continue to grow and continue to fall in love with each version of these people that you care for so much. 

There are also times when you grow and grow apart and fall out of love because we are ever-changing and maybe there was no room for the two of you to continue to grow together anymore. 

Maybe they were only meant to be here for a season. 

But that love was once there. It helped you evolve in some shape or form and that in itself is invaluable. 

And when the time comes and you have to let go, you walk away to make room for more experiences. 

Again and again and again. The cycle continues and we are gifted more connections in this beautiful life.

I can keep going on about the wonderful humans I’ve had the luxury of getting to know but I don’t think there’s enough time in the world to talk about how each of them has impacted my life.

Basically what I’m trying to get at is this: Finding your people helps you unlock love in such a capacity that sometimes a romantic love can’t fill. 

–

When we typically think about love, it’s usually about two star-crossed lovers who find each other, fall in love, and create their fairytale ending. 

I know so many people who get so caught up in their romantic relationships, that they forget to nurture the other relationships in their lives – the relationships that once helped shape who they are as human beings! 

It is truly such a shame – especially when the consequences creep up on them and the damage is beyond repair. I am no saint as I’ve fallen victim to blindness in love. Being lucky enough to pull myself out of that mindset before causing irreversible damage, I swore to never sacrifice the friendships I have had the pleasure of growing in the name of romantic love. 

There’s so much emphasis on “finding the one” and following the timeline of the generations before us – falling in love, getting married, having kids, and growing old… rinse, recycle, repeat. I think the reality is that we’ve completely forgotten that love comes in all forms.

I truly believe that we will all find our person one day. After all, we are human and being in love is arguably the greatest experience life has to offer. 

Well… as a hopeless romantic, I have to believe that.

But until then… for those of us who are waiting for our time… for our person… instead of looking for what will eventually be ours when the time is right, we should shift our attention to the relationships around us and the relationship with have with ourselves.

After all, those friendships set up the foundation of who you are and, in turn, also set up the foundation of any successful long-term relationship. 

In my opinion, the point of finding a life partner is so that you can build a life together, help each other to grow as absolute best friends and to experience true love with no bounds.

That’s the dream, isn’t it?

So while we wait for our person, it only makes sense to continue to pour all of our love into ourselves and the friendships around us. It’s only until then that everything else will magically fall into place because you are ready. 

The best friendships set up the blueprint of your life. They define the way you care and how you love the people who mean the most to you. They evolve with you as you continue to forge authentic connections based on mutual trust, support, care, comfort and most importantly, complete acceptance – which I would argue is the greatest display of true love. 

With a strong foundation of friendships, one can feel empowered to handle any stress, challenge or adversity life throws at us. 

If we understand that these friendships create the guidelines for the type of connections we want to create in our lives, how do we make sure that we feed the love and continue to nurture our friendships?

In an age where the world feels disconnected and loneliness is an epidemic, how do we make sure we show up for each other? To provide companionship as safe havens for each other?

Sure, we get busy with work and life obligations. Sure, friendships require time, effort and intention.

But you’ll be surprised to find out how a little goes a long way. 

Life is too short to have meaningless connections – especially when the outcome of cultivating a relationship with depth and substance is so fucking great. 

After all, isn’t that the purpose?

To learn and understand,

and to accept and love the people in the world around us?

So pick up the phone and check in to see how your old friend’s week is going. 

Send a quick text and let them know you’re thinking about them.

Take the scenic route home and stop by their house with their favorite sweet treat and say hello. 

Make the group chat and get that dinner on the calendar – because it’s not that hard to find time. 

Listen well and listen completely. 

Be intentional with quality time. 

Make the relationships in your life worthy of a romance novel. 

Friends who are there for each other as buoys when one of them is drowning in waves of adversity but when they look at each other, they see that the pain they’ve endured is not messy but instead poetry.

Friends who read each other from front to end and love each other like a good book.

Friends who know about the skeletons in their closets and still see a work of art in each other. 

Friends who will show up ready to help you fight when it feels like the world is crashing and burning all around you. 

Friends who choose each other every day because they are their person and they are family.

Isn’t that beautiful?

There is so much love to be shared and to be felt. 

We don’t have to navigate through life alone. 

Let the love in. 

The world can be so much sweeter if we curate a community full of understanding and acceptance. 

Do not take the time you have for granted with the assumption that there will be more.

Do it while we can. 

Because we can.

Because what is the point of living with lukewarm love when the human experience can be so much more?

/mm